Ash The Trash

Helllllllllllllllllllllooooooo Hunnybuns???? Hope you all are doing well!

Well, you’ll might be irked by the title! But let me come clear when it comes to our overrated plastic doll Aishwarya Rai Bachchan : I am neither her hater nor her admirer! The recently concluded 65^th Cannes Films Festival provided much attention to this woman, with newspaper and channels throwing much light on her post pregnancy weight and her couture choices. The best...errr...worst.....funniest rather, was a news website coming up with this : “Learn Make up tips from the most beautiful lady’!....Huh?? Out of curiosity, I opened the video to find that the new big momma was actually promoting the products of the brand she endorses! So, I decided, why not to write a spoof about the whole thing! So here it goes, The Aishwarya Rai Bachchan giving make up tips :

Hello my blind followers (you are blind, coz you can’t see my reality!)..Let me give you the secrets of my beauty straight from my Make-Up Chronicles!

1.     Starting from the eye, to make your eyes look beautiful and glittering, wear coloured contact lenses. From sparkling blue to sea green to sky blue, there are wide varieties available in the market. Didn’t I clinch the ‘Miss World’ title wearing one? You could too!

2.    Wear Porcelain white make-up, even it means looking like an albino or a complete white trash!

3.    Get your skin bleached! Yes, because white make up won’t be available all the time.

4.    Last but not the least, visit your doctor (Plastic surgeon) regularly and make sure to get Barbie doll-like features like I did!

With the above tips, even you can become the ‘World’s Most Beautiful Woman’ like me. I know, the list changes every year and I topped the list just once. But you know, our Indian Media....never fails me to flaunt as the 'most beautiful lady'! I attribute my name and fame to them.  I am always in the news.....be it my appearances at Cannes, myself being a Bachchan Bahu or my post-pregnancy weight or my baby Aaradhya!!...Anyways, I am enjoying the attention like any other celebrity...And most important of all, remember these beautiful lines :

I am a Barbie girl, in the Barbie world

Life in Plastic, It’s fantastic!

Criticizm appreciated from so-called Aishwarya fans, others ROFL!!!!

Feminism – It’s present day existence and why is it taken for granted?

Rightly called as the Land of Gods, India is an abode to various religions, beliefs and customs. We worship various Gods and Goddesses and few Goddesses have high regard in our society. But still women residing in this country suffer a lot. We praise a deity of clay, mud and stones but fail to give importance to our mothers and sisters.

     History is evident of the ill-treatment of women and introduction of literacy and education for all hasn’t much changed the scenario.  They are still considered the elements of hatred. The condition is worse in the rural areas but the cities too don’t lag behind. The amount of violence which is bestowed upon women has been on a rise day by day. Women, even teenagers and minors are constantly molested and raped. Who should be blamed for this? The whole male community? Certainly not!

               It’s all basically because of men’s highly egoistic nature. In a country like us, a man’s ego is greater than a woman’s integrity and duty. Sad truth! Also, domestic violence is taking toll and is degrading a woman’s dignity. No section of men have actually come forward to better the conditions. What they’ve been doing? Just rants!(Exceptions are everywhere, I can’t blame the whole male community!)  The worst I’ve come across is the logic of Delhi/Gurgaon police, according to whom, a girl is safe a minute before 8 pm and she is not (safe), after the clock strikes 8! Now, that’s purely double standards, I must say. Instead of setting deadlines, isn’t it their responsibility to have a patrol and ensure safety of the fairer sex? After all, our Indian police!:P

       I don’t say I am a feminist. It won’t be right to call yourself one. If the recent trend is anything to go by, we could see women/girls involving in undesirable stuff. They do it because they think as long as you are engaged in all this, you are cool. The sad part is young girls believe puffing a cigarette, losing one’s virginity has become a trend and unfortunately, they are the blind followers. And not to forget, we have such women too who force the other women in the bad business of prostitution. Well, there are many institutions of society which are responsible for this.

     In all, I could say, Feminism has its existence orally. No one actually practises it. How many of us voice ourselves? Do we take any step to protect our dignity? All of us, who come home late at night, why don’t we enrol ourselves in some self-defence classes? That’s the least we could do. Don’t just blabber rants. Rather, just give a death stare or hit hard those perverse eyes gawking at you!

A friend in need is a friend indeed, eh?

  Raising eyebrows, eh? Well, you should peeps. This age-old proverb has been seeped into us right from kindergarten days, hasn’t it? I have finally decided to break this myth and introduce to you a new meaning of ‘Friendship’ altogether.

  Let’s put it this way :

‘A parent in need is a parent indeed’

                     Or

‘A sibling in need is a sibling indeed’

  Sounds crappy, hain na? So I have a point over here that you love your family and care about them irrespective of their imperfections. So why the hell be choosy while befriending someone? We all have been endowed with the fact that human beings are imperfect creations of God. We are born imperfect, raised imperfectly and die with imperfections. And duh, we need everything perfect, even friends!

   Imagine yourself in a terrible mess! You can’t think upon anything right and go all haywire, the first you look upon as help is your friend. Agreed, they are always come to your rescue. But somehow due to their own personal problems, they can’t reach out to you.  Well, should that provoke you to unfriend ( a technical term Facebook introduced) them? Certainly not! You don’t leave your family if your demands and wishes are not fulfilled by them. Or you don’t quit talking to your brother/ sister if they fail to pay heed to your desires and needs.

  Likewise, a friend is also an integral part of your life as your family is. They are the mood swingers. The best moments are shared with them. We laugh, cry, fight with them. We speak our hearts out to them. Yet we yearn for a so-called ‘Perfect’ friend who can rather be your PR or Assistant or your Bodyguard and not merely be a ‘friend’.

  So here are my words of wisdom (I am being prophetic, par chalta hain!) to you’ll :

Learn to embrace imperfections coz you are yourself not-so-perfect. Don’t make friends on the condition on how you want them to treat you but let them treat you as they want. And I am damn sure a ‘friend’ (true, good, best....whatever you call one) may harass you or be troublesome but loves you and cares for you in the best possible way. Showing off, the love and care (but obvious), is not necessary. And yeah, learn to give them the personal space. You just can't break a friendship coz your friend is busy with his own life.

    I hope I managed to brainwash your cynical brains. Criticism appreciated!

Much love and peace my honeybuns!

I’d rather not be an eye candy!

Needless to say, Teenage years could possibly be described as one of the best phases of one’s life. Well, all ‘the good’ and ‘the bad’ are a part and parcel of this beautiful piece of life.

    The major element of this phase which comes into picture is the so called ‘College life’. We all have had this and reminiscences of it always bring an incandescent smile on our faces. There was this-the extra intelligent nerd! And the other-the cranky one! A melange of every kind of God’s many creations. And the cherry on cake- the chicks (for the guys, of course!)! The skinny ones, the leggy, the Miss Oomph and a Rapunzel which every class has! It turns out that these are the sources of distraction for all the men. Yes, all of them. From the geeky to the Casanovas and the lecturers and the professors, all fall prey to them. Then there are those cheesy chicks, the ultimate attention seekers! They would cross any sort of limit to hog the limelight. Right from wooing guys to flaunting the oomph factor is all their business. Then there are those Bhaartiya Naaris, the ones which always blabber about their Sanskaars and that their vows to never go against their family’s wishes. But then the true story is completely different. These are those kinds of species who readily grab attention, not because of their so called cultural and moral values, but their slutty ways to be the centre of attention. Man, let me tell you, that they irritate me a lot. Double standard is just unacceptable for me.                                                                                                                                                                               

                           I have been a victim to such hypocrisy a several times. I would rather say, I am in a helpless condition. I am the one who sticks to what I say. A rather feminist, disturbed by the present scenario displayed by the ladies today. My attitude has been most of the times touted as arrogance. But then we, the fairer sex, are not eye candies or as described by the men, ‘sex symbols’ and ‘reproduction machines’ anymore. All the ladies out there, my subtle message to you’ll, learn to respect womanhood. Don’t take undue advantage of what nature has bestowed upon you! Stand out by making a difference rather being an attention seeker.